She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
