You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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