all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
