party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
