so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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