Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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