I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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