Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize