Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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