I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
