it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
