I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
