Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
