Do you still have your period?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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