sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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