Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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