I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Panties = found
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