This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
