Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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