I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You left your underwear on the fireplace
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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