I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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