I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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