Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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