Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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