I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
