i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
