I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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