for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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