i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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