This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
