He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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