Girls should come with a carfax report
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
