Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
