He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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