her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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