Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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