My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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