OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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