Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
