oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
