I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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