Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
