Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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