No awkward lesbian experiences without me
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
