allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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