Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
