She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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