Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
