brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I want to fling myself into the sun
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
