piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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