no, he came in my armpit
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
