There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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