Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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