I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
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