Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
