We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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