YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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