I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize