I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
