It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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