Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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