2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
