i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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