I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize