Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize