Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
