my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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