One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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