that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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