It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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