he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
