you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
