I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
