i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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