She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
