I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
