just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
