I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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