My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
