wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
