I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
