I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
