So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Send help, water and tortillas.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
