accomplished twins. life is a go
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
