dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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