I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
