I love black thongs
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
