It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
